Urgh.

My immediate supervisor I love. I get along very well with the English one and we have a lot in common. Same hobbies and habits and some of the same nervous ticks. We just click which honestly is the only thing that makes some of the days at the office worth it. It's amazing that there are so many agents that apparently can't read. It's appauling. How difficult is it to read a contract that you were trained to read. It's not like you had no training and were thrust into this. Today is rant day. It's just too much. Rants as follows...

1. If you're trained to do something then you should know how to do it. I am not trained to do your job and it's embarrassnig that I have to explain it to you.

2. We could be friends if you weren't such a stubborn snobby bitch. Why on earth would I want you in my life?

3. If you're really that moronic then don't broadcast it. It isn't cute. I'm not a high school jock who wants in your pants. You are not appealing.

4. Come at me one more time asking me to do your job and I'll kill you. I am not your assistant and I suggest you get your assistant to do more than call her boyfriend and paint her nails.

5. I understand that you have good intentions but telling me that my job is too hard and I should give up is not encouraging. I don't have parents and I don't need them. I think I've done quite well considering.

6. If you agree to pay a certain amount of rent to someone monthly then you should be enough of an adult to control your budget. You know how much you need to spend, not me.

I just got a raise and honestly it's crap. I work too hard for that measley a pay raise. an extra $20 a week isn't crap. After tax I won't be able to get half a tank of gas. Fudge. After I get my license I'll be able to get a bonus. Great... Only it's going to cost a crapload to get my license in the first place. I mean I have it but I don't want my cushion to deflate and deflate and eventually just pop. Oh and I have an ex friend who decided to spread vicious and ficticious rumors about me all around because she had a problem with the guy I was dating and am still dating. That I abandoned her for him (despite her spending nearly every night at my house). Eff her. She decides two years later she wants back in my life and sends me an apology and wants to do lunch. First off I accept your apology only to avoid my own bad karma. Secondly I forgave you once when you slept with my boyfriend because he was crap. That doesn't mean you deserve forgiveness for round two but I'm giving it to you anyway. That being said, just because your husband (who you tricked into marrying you by getting pregnant) cheated on you (again) and now you're leaving him doesn't mean I have to accept you with arms wide open. No we cannot have lunch but you can text me, reply not guaranteed. I did however make an arrangement with my supervisor that will get me a little bonus and cushion that hopefully can start to replenish my supplies. Yes this is a difficult job but thankfully I know an architect and a pr rep who both have excellent connections in this world and I am willing to put in the hard work required. If I can work 12 hours a day at a job I loathed I can work 12 hours a day at a job that has half the stress, that I like, that allows me sunshine, and helps bring happiness to others.

On the issue of having parents. I do not have them. I have elder family members who live with ME. Not the other way around. Yes I let them have their way because they're old and I don't want to regret anything when they die. I have more years left than them. Also, assisted living homes and nursing homes are expensive. A small budget and attending classes does not allow for you to pay for a mortgage and that sort of care. While they can still take care of themselves I don't see why I need to subject them to something that demeaning. People just don't get that it sucked to be shipped off like that. I wouldn't want to be thrown out. Leave me in my house to die thanks at least I'll know it's clean.

Also I realize my house is crappy. I don't have thousands of dollars to waste on worthless crap let alone thousands to spend on things that are needed and I'm not going to blow my whole cushion just so that something else can come along and piss on my parade leaving me to take out an 18% loan on my house. No second mortgages thanks. On the upside my house is safe and warm and cozy and clean and keeps me dry and I've had it inspected everything wrong with it is COSMETIC. There are more important things in life. It's not all about making money and incessantly grabbing for more more more. I'd rather be happy. I am getting there.

Race for the cure is coming up and I will be doing this year's marathon and squeezing in some Habitat for Humanity as well. Giving back feels great. It's the most selfish thing in the world.