Argh.

I have the flu. Great. Working 12 hour days and I get the flu. I worked myself into it. It's my own fault. I know the routine.

My boyfriend is a man whore and I'm very angry with him and he thinks what he did wasn't really that bad. Honestly twice in under a year. I'm done. I'm sure it'll all be my fault when told by him but I don't care. Just go away.

Oh and when he was put through the ringer by his intrusive father and mother about his car purchase who's fault was it? Mine. Of course. I spent the previous two weeks telling him to be careful, play it cool, get car fax reports, research online, etc. but the responsibility fell on me to take the blame of course. I mean his mother texting him multiple times a day to ask if he'd found a new car yet certainly wasn't a bother. We found a car we liked. We negotiated a good price and rate. We got a car fax report. We had any known problems fixed. We had his brother, a mechanic, look it over and he found no problem. But yeah we did everything wrong, I mean I did everything wrong. Oh and that low interest rate, I couldn't possibly have gotten one that low. I mean after all his dad knows everything about my credit right? Not to mention he's 25 years old. When is he going to grow a pair and stop blabbing everything to them. What he makes at his job and what his car payment is isn't really their business. They don't pay our bills and they aren't part of our relationship. Honestly. It is completely annoying. I understand that parents care for their children's well being, but when your child is a 25 year old adult male with a bachelor's degree, back off. And when you're a 25 year old adult male, drop a pair already.

What's this sudden bullshit interest in my parents anyway? A few months ago they were all excited to meet the favorite's significant other's parents but didn't care about mine and that's how I liked it. I know by now that his parents are obnoxious and hurtful and don't care that they are like that. So why start to pretend other wise now. His family are all pretentious know it alls who put themselves above and beyond anyone else. I get it. That's who you are. I'm fine with it. Suddenly now they want to meet my parents and get to know them. Ok here you are. My mother has FAS. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. My mother inherited a good bit of money when my Grandfather died and my father a twisted opportunist convinced the little handicapped girl to marry him. She bore two of his children and when the money ran out so did he. In comes my Grandmother to raise me. Sure the father figure was there physically. He got full custody because he wasn't handicapped. Only I had to wake myself and my brother. Make our breakfast. Ignore the slut the father figure brought home the night before. Get off to school. Come home and help my brother do his homework while making dinner. Fun normal childhood. Not to mention the bruises and abuse and cracked rib here and there. That's why my father isn't a part of my life. And my mom. My poor mother. She's off in Tennessee in my estranged aunt's care. You see she remarried to another handicapped man who happened to also be a thief and had a problem with soliciting prostitutes. He told my mother to choose us or him so she wrote us lovely little letters when I was fourteen that simply read. "I hate you. I love David. Bye.". My thoughtful mum. Well let's see. Now that husband slugged me across the jaw once before subsequently getting a beat down. No man will ever push me around without getting his ass beat. So she's off in her own little world and fine by me. So my parents got together because of money. Bore children. Fell apart because of money and then left said children to fend for themselves. My brother continued the cycle of abuse when he got older blaming me for our parents disappearing (he never got the beatings because I always took them for him) and ended up cracking one of my vertebrates in a fit he had. I broke his nose for it and somehow still came out of it the bad guy. All in all it worked out in the end. I graduated high school and had a full ride to school but had to take care of my family instead. I have a good work ethic and a good home. I also don't let people boss me around and tell me how to live according to their agendas. So in short, no you cannot meet my parents. You've met my care takers. My Grandmother and my Great Aunt and you called them freaks and refused to acknowledge them so fuck you. You think they're freaks because they have a Christian faith. What makes you so wonderful? Your Christian religion that you don't live by and rarely attend church for. You're right it's much better. I'm agnostic and he's a Buddhist. Fuck off.

No matter. I might not be involved with their son much longer anyway so for now I'll just keep to myself and let it blow over.

Work is insane and there was basically a divorce and 8 out of the ten people working in my department left. Idiots.

I'm so glad to have my knit group girls. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them.

We saw Cirque du Soleil this weekend. It was amazing. So worth every penny. I can't wait to go next year. I hope I can take my Grandmother and Great Aunt with me. I did get sick immediately afterward and barely made it out of there. Not even the flu could keep me from our 2nd row seats. I love good seats. 2nd row means you get to be up close and personal with the performers, the clowns tease you, and you get hit on the head with a ham, oh and there's confetti too!

I'm not knitting at the moment but I am reading a book called Choice that I like very much.

LOL

My adorable cat just spent the last ten minutes chasing a mouse :)

Insanity.

If I hear one more racist comment about the new president, I'm going off. He's half white and half black and was raised mostly by his Grandmother. OH no! What a horrible person. He's a person who came from a broken home, single parent home, who has a diverse ethnicity, and overcame less than ideal situations to become president. Oh no. I certainly don't want someone who's overcome adversity in my white house. Nope nope nope. Send in the sheeple. Please. You know what's really fun? Being told you're a commie when you're five because your mother's side of your family is Russian. That's fun. People should think before they speak.

Work is insane. I don't have time to talk about it right now but awful. I was at work from 8:30 a.m. to 9:50 p.m. Fantastic. I did get a raise and a promotion but I can't do the work of three people, sorry.

I finished a mitten which is nice. I got my new benetint in the mail. It was a disappointment. I need to go to the gym, take my vitamins, and study for my exam. I should get my new yarn tomorrow. Yay~! I have my final paperwork to do tomorrow at 1:15 and then I'm new job bound. I have three loads of laundry to fold. I need to finish painting my room. I have to find homes for some of my cats. I have too much and too little time. This is just awful. OH yeah and my bf's a manwhore. Also I'm going to England, Japan, and Hawaii within the next two years. Frickin sweet.

What sort of crap is this?

Weird stuff happening at work. Will know tomorrow. Good.

In other news, my refinancing is coming along and I'm doing some moderate home repairs. My bank account is shamefully low because of it. I feel almost trapped at times.

I won't get to see my baby cousin next weekend because of a travel issue. My brother is coming home in March instead of June which means my cousin will be staying here. I really hope I have some of the renovations done by then.

I finished the book choice and now I'm starting on Twilight. I promised and I hear it's addicting once you move past the bore of the first chapter or two. I've never been much for fiction so we'll see.

Most of the people I work with are pregnant and it dawned on me a few days ago after one of their baby showers that I was not regular in December. I only have a few more days until I'm supposed to start so I think I'll wait until after that to test. I hope I'm not. It's very bad timing with so much on my plate and certain jeopardy in my future. If I am it's something I'll deal with but it's just so scary.

I've been a bit ill recently and apparently it's made me a lot more tired than I expected. I slept the majority of the day yesterday and woke up long enough to eat a bag of popcorn and fall back to sleep. We had dinner plans which I slept through along with a few other things I missed. I guess when your body needs sleep it will take it. I wish I had health insurance.

The in laws are in Atlanta this weekend and at a hunting camp so we're left to take care of their pets. I don't mind really the animals are adorable but I am still resentful that the trip to Atlanta was my idea and I was very rudely cut out of it. I suggested it and planned it and then his mother took over and planned it for a different day so her niece and sister could go and it was just very hurtful that she did that. I wanted it to be a nice experience for the four of us and instead I'm left going on a different day. I don't thinks she realizes how crude her actions are sometimes. On the upside now I'm going with people I genuinely like already and have 3rd row tickets.

Knitting has come to a stand still giving way to balancing books and studying. I'm so worried about so many different things that I find my stomach doing flips. However tomorrow I have a 2pm knit group and on Monday night I have a knit group at 6pm so hopefully I'll finish up this scarf and get the hat done next week.

I did manage to lose three pounds this week, which was surprising considering I didn't go to the gym or watch what I ate. Looking back I realized that I actually did very little eating because I was too busy.

The other job I accepted is in a call center and while I hate the idea of going back to a call center I like it better than working in a job with no commission, no overtime pay, no health insurance, and being underpaid. I have to do what's best for myself and my family and while it may not always be enjoyable it's the right thing to do.

I worry that I am here at 21 with nothing accomplished and that ten years from now I'll be blogging that here I am at 31 having accomplished nothing. It's very stressful being an adult. I sometimes long for the days when the most I had to worry about was whether or not I'd have a pimple or an exam.

We watched Benjamin Button in the theater Friday night and it's a wonderfully sad film. It's a big long at 2 hours 46 minutes but well worth it. I cried a few tears at the end and wondered why people would rather see a comedy about a dog, or a comedy about two brides fighting than to watch something like this film.

Today.

I yanked this photo from PostSecret. This is how I feel. There's so much I want to do, see, read, experience but I never seem to find the time to do any of them. So let me take a minute to talk about what I am doing.

I'm reading a book called Choice. True stories of birth, contraception, infertility, adoption, single parenthood & abortion. It's a very good book and I find myself not wanting to put it down. I was up until around 3 a.m. reading.

I am currently knitting several projects and true to my new year's resolution have not started a new project but instead have been working on the one's that having been sitting in my queue forever. It's slow and tedious but working. I do have to make a couple of surprise gifts. One for a shower at the end of the week. A scarf for a cousin's birthday and a hat for another. Thank goodness for birthdays in cold weather.

My house is still in need of repairs and I have to find my loan package from the original loan which I cannot find anywhere. Darn it. I'm looking at refinancing. All I pay up front is the appraisal but I'm afraid with the market it will be money wasted.

I'd also like to rave about a women's fitness magazine called Oxygen. It has workout for real women who want to build real muscle. It is amazing and I love working out with it. It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. As far as being healthier for the new year I am not doing too hot but I am working on it. I get my results back from my exam soon and hopefully will be able to move forward with my life in the career area. I'll know about the job I applied for by Wednesday.

I've severed ties with a couple of friends and while part of me misses them most of me is happy they're gone.

I went on a short vacation and did take a lot of pictures so I'm holding that end of the bargain up.

Overall I am more pleased with my life than I was this time last year. I really hope 09 offers a lot of opportunities I take up.

I have tickets to Wicked in April which will be 8th row. How awesome is that?!?! I get to see Cirque Du Soleil in two weeks. I am so excited! I get to see my baby cousin that I haven't seen in 9 years! again super excited. I get to go to Disney World for free in April for a girl's weekend. How awesome is that. I really feel like I can make this a great year if I keep up my spirits. I've found that reading more helps that.

Vomit.

I honestly want to vomit. Here is the run down. September I was rear ended in an accident. The guy gave false insurance information which I didn't find out until after it was in the shop. My insurance will not pay for it because it was not reported to them. So I have to come up with $1,800. The bf didn't file his insurance paperwork correctly so that whole I had pneumonia and had to go to the doctor thing is going to cost me $800. Also my old employer is saying that instead of being laid off I just got up and walked out and therefore owe them $1,000 in back wages that they overpaid me. I'm trying to get my old union to help me being that I paid into them for two years. I am so up the creek. My test results haven't come back yet so I don't know when I'll be able to actually get my license but I need to get some additional income and fast. This whole thing sucks.

Resolutions.

1. Get healthy and get to my ideal weight in 09!

2. Finish renovating my house. I'm tired already.

3. Get better job.

4. Eliminate credit card debt.

5. Be happier.

6. Take more pictures.

7. Spend less money overall.

8. Go back to Uni.

9. Sever ties with old friends who do me no good.

10. Finish everything in my Ravelry projects section.

These are what I'm shooting for. I also want to save up enough money to go to my friend's wedding in Japan this fall. So we'll see how that goes. Wish me luck! A friend of mine also asked me to come visit them in England. Sounds fine with me. Room would be free but I'd need to pay my way over and buy food and if I wanted to get anything while I was there of course that would be my responsibility. I doubt it will happen this year but perhaps in 2010. Another friend will be going to Paris and has asked me along. We'd be staying with her cousin so again room would be free. Of course Germany is a mere train ride away so I assume when we do go we'd need to spend at least a night or two there and perhaps another night or two in Spain. She wants a two week vacation. Which in most countries is fine and easy enough I suppose but considering the average employee in the United States only gets two weeks off per year it's nearly impossible for me. A friend of mine living in Germany last year got something like two months off. That's crazy!