:(

I can't decide if I'm lonely or just frustrated. I love my boyfriend very much but things have just fizzled out. He's very self concerned and self involved. He complains constantly about having to pay his bills and yet won't look for a better job. It's really starting to bother me. I have been on my own for so long I don't remember what it's like to rely on others as much as he does. I loaned him some money and when I made him pay part of it back he was really resentful. If you borrow something then you should repay it. I am not your mother nor your wife. Not that wives should be taken advantage of either. I just can't stand how much he complains. If your life is really as terrible as you say then why aren't you working to improve it? I don't like where I am so I'm looking for a better job, going to school to get certified for a second income, repairing my home, going back to school next fall, and going to the gym regularly to lose weight. I bitch occassionally but at least I try. It just seems to have created this incredible divide between us. I'm really frustrated because I'm working so hard and trying to push him and I am actively working towards goals and he seems to just be sitting. It's like we're in the rapids and I'm paddling as quickly as I can to fight to go upstream and he's just thrown out an anchor and given up. I'm moving forward without him and it really bothers me. How can you build a life together when only one of you understands the concept? It's just frustrating. So here we are in this great divide. Me spending my nights studying, knitting, working from home, budgeting. He spends his nights playing video games and obsessively watching youtube. He literally spends hours a day watching and commenting on youtube videos. We all have our hobbies but please at least do something productive. He continues to miss karate classes because he's leaving his uniform at home. Which is of course somehow my fault. Or my grandparents fault. Never his. Then he's cranky for the rest of the day and is just snap snap snappy. He's also been calling in sick to work a lot when he's not actually sick he's just overslept and is avoiding work. Then his mother calls and wants to know why he's home and he says he's sick. So his parents think he's sick all the time which isn't true. I have a weak immune system due to some past medical issues so I do get sick more often than him but since he's moved in I've been sick twice and him once. I HAVE WALKING PNEUMONIA AND STILL GO TO WORK!!!! I don't get it. I really don't. So apparently now his family thinks I have some sort of nasty house where food goes without refridgeration for weeks and nothing is clean and it's overrun with rodents and bugs. When the truth of the matter is that he's just lazy and stays up til 3a.m. watching video or playing video games. My food is refridgerated. It's properly cooked. It's stored in a refridgerator. I do not have a pest problem or rodents. And my family is not constantly sick. My grandparents haven't even been sick since he moved in. I am just infuriated with him. And do they ever ask me about it, absolutely not. Why would they want to talk to someone who their son has convinced them is NASTY. I am just frustrated, angry, and lonely. I want a partner. I want him to be considerate and put me first sometimes. I want him to be more patient and stop making everything about him. Boyfriend I don't like it when you yell at me (everything is a screaming match with him and despite the fact that I don't raise my voice to him I apparently yell about everything). That statement turns into boyfriend saying while screaming, "well I don't like it when you yell at me and you scream at me all the time". How about a nice, I'm sorry honey I didn't mean to yell at you I'll try not to in the future. It's really frustrating. He tries to make such a big deal of being in Mensa. Big deal! I'm in Mensa too but I don't try to parade it around on a daily basis throwing it in the face of everyone I meet. Even if you're very bright, there's always someone brighter than you. Just because you know something about X doesn't mean you know anything about Z. It also bothers me just how irresponsible he is. When his cat got in a major fight and had a huge festering wound on his neck who do you think had to lance, clean, disinfect, and close it? Who has to bath all the animals he so desperately wanted. Who paid the vet bill when he insisted on taking the cat to the vet? ME ME ME! When the cat got out of the vet's office the vet said that the cat didn't need antibiotics and that his wounds were healing nicely and complimented me on how well he was cared for and asked if I've considered veterinary care as a career. No I have not but thank you for charging me $250 for not doing anything to my cat. I'm so glad you think I did a fantastic job. It really boosts my ego that you take my money for no reason. Awesome. And do you think the boyfriend will be paying me back or paying to have his cat neutered? Of course not. Argh!